Wishing UpON a sTAR
An extract from the email i sent to eugene... i am quite typed to type it out...
hey dear...
today is such horrible day.. i got financial test this morning.. and it screwed up big time.. i am really really very frustrated with myself.. shit, i feel so damn stupid... angry tears just flew like river many times today. = (
there were mcq questions.. i knew my methods and calculations were right.. but i just couldn't get the damn ans... all the mcq calculations ans i cannot get.. and the back.. i knew i saw the no.. but when i was calculating.. i used another figure below.. the whole paper was a piece of shit... it was so easy yet, i couldn't do it.. and when the paper ended, i went to ask my friends.. they were saying.. my methods were right.. and they showed me their ans with their calculator.. but i just COULDN'T GET THE SAME FIGURE!! so they used my calculator and check.. they got the wrong figure i had too.. so they checked my calculator.. damn it.. it was in the wrong mode... i din even know my financial calculator has so many modes.
ya. so basically, i screwed up my paper big time. and that's it. the paper was easy. and i am not surprised if i get the last in the class. 40% paper of the final grade. so i guess.. i am very much screwed...
i wondered if god is unhappy with me not going cell on thursday.. but chose to stay at home and slack.. or is god trying to tell me not to be complacent? what is god trying to tell me? what He is trying to tell me I do not know.. He is a kind god. i know. and i also know... i am quite screwed. hahaha... do u think god feels that i spend too much time doing other things than His stuffs, that's why he's not happy? hmm... but He is supposed to be a kind god!! sigh.. i can't believe i am so stupid. i studied the notes back to front, front to back 3 times. and i couldn't do the paper. can u just come and slap me?
dear, i feel very angry with myself... = (
i still got 3 more papers in the coming 3 weeks.. and i am not in the mood to study. i din go tuition tonight.. went to eat dinner with sam and weijing after proj meeting. i told my sis and mom about it just now. and all the angry tears again.. crap. then my mom was so funny. told me to throw the calculator away and buy new one. haha..
dear, i miss you. like really.. at the moment, i just wan to hug u and cry on your shoulder...
now is 10:26pm... and i am super tired... i guess i used too much energy controlling my emotions.. i never cry infront of sam and weijing. i just excused myself, and went to the toilet to cry. and i stayed there until i was cooled down and looked steady, then i came out. dear.. i feel.. so tired. so tired... = ( and so sad. i really wan to do well this sem.. this is something i never tell anyone.. but i really really wan to do well this sem.. i guess.. it's impossible now.
love you dear.. miss you.. dun worry.. i think i will be better tml. sigh. dun worry dear.. i will take care of myself. i awarded myself a cappuccino cheesecake tonight though i just ate less than half. haha... bye dear... u take care k..
lov,
ck
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10:05 PM.
