Wishing UpON a sTAR
When u get close to someone, will u be jealous of his love past?
suddenly feel like posting an entry. and let's talk about jealousy.
i used to have this really good friend. she was like my best friend in my secondary school days. when she got closer to someone else i get a little bit jealous. but i kept tt in my heart, but tried and hoped to get involved in most of their activties, though i wasn't the go-out kind. i was more of the go-sch-go-library-go-home type. i seldom loitered around the school or in the neighbourhood near my school until sec 4. well, i wanted to be part of them. and i enjoyed spending time together. and the three of us became so close that everyone regarded us as the threesome. hahaha... it was quite funny. imagine, one les, one butch and one nerd (head librarian). cool combination. ^_^
then, i have a boyfriend. before i had one, i tot i won't get jealous about him at all, his past relationship, his crushes. but i was quite wrong. in fact, i got jealous so often in our first year together that he din't dare to meet the girl he used to like. and honestly speaking, i detested myself for that. i felt so unreasonable and disgusting. it's like i was taking away something in his life. sigh! i was so mean. thank god that things are much better now. i can stand him talking to her. if they are meeting, i think i should be ok too, as long as he don't hide that from me.
but sometimes, when one of my girlfriends tells me about how he used to woo this particular girl, i can feel my heart being squeezed. part of me wan to stop her from talking, but part of me wan to continue listening. and often, when i learnt things that he did to her but not to me, i feel hurt a little. like i am not worth his effort to do that. and he din't tell me all those things tt he did to her, and i heard all those from his friend.
yes, i am jealous of their past. even it's a past. i know i shouldn't. i dunno when i will overcome that, i hope i will. i really hope i can. i mean, i will try to. i am glad that, at least i am part of his now. and hopefully future.
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10:42 AM.
