Wishing UpON a sTAR
upon paul's request.. here is my entry for so long.
it's been rather long since i last blogged. the reason why i din long for so long is becoz' my bro and sis are colonising my laptop most of the time. so i dun have private time on my own with my own little laptop. but well.. things are improving. my sister finally decided on a fujistu laptop, which she will receive next week.. and the desktop in my hse was finally repaired last week. SO, EACH OF UF WILL HAVE A COMPUTER TO WORK WITH in the near future. ahhaha... imagine 4 ppl in a small house using pc together!? wat a scene.
life has been.. like i said... emotionally whacked for me. and that's the reason why i din feel like blogging anymore. i dun feel like sharing how pathetic i am when dealing with relationship.. and how things are changing among the two of us.. i even thinking of opening a new blog for myself to type in my tots and feelings. but well.. why such a trouble..? sigh..
things turn downhill last night.. and i hurt him with my words.. i know he was hurt.. and i think he still is. such a vicious cycle.. u hurt me in action, i hurt u with words.. cycle goes on and on.. why do we have to be like this? is there really no more 'honeymoon period' for us?
my friends actually convinced me tt our love is dying out. but i know tt's not true from last night.. coz' when simple thing u did or did not do can still instill such a big impact on me, i know tt u still matter. matter quite alot. i mean, not much ppl can hurt me with little things like tt. i cried hell lot on the train last night, making a scene for myself. i dunno why too. it's not as though u did anything wrong, but tears just kept on rolling down like a pearl necklace being ruthlessly snapped. i wandered around for an hr before i was ready to go home.. to pretend nothing had happened, and back to the cheerful, talkative chauking.
my friends told me not to wait.. they got me thinking whether this is all worth it.. but after i hurt u with my words last night.. i realised, its impossible for me to part with you. knowing tt u're sad hurt me even more when u made me sad. hurting him is the last thing i wan to do.. i guess.. from now on.. i gotta be more understanding..
wat's happening now, can somebody tell me?
i feel so sad now again, coz' i know.. and i did make u sad.. why am i always saying things to hurt u.. why am i always complaining.. why am i always throwing tantrum.. why am i always so selfish... and neglecting how u feel..
it hurts all over again when i think of all these..
guys, pls dun ask me wat's happening when u see me. i won't know how to answer u. and i dun think i have the strenght to tell u.
Praying works sometimes, but i guess, sometimes Lord just wan us to sort things out ourselves.. i always pray tt he can have more times for me. but wat Lord did was that, giving him more outfields and more workload. is He testing me? if He is, can somebody pls tell him that i am not tt strong for tt. i tried telling Him.. but he prefered to think highly of me..
paul, sorry, told u i supposed to blog on frenship.. guess not today..
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10:46 AM.
